I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
