I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
