hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
