i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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