your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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