Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
