no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
