i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
