Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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