well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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