what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
