we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
