If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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