she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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