My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
