Dual....:-)
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
