Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
