I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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