I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
