Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
