I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
