every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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