i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
