well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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