I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
