did you get engaged???
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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