here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
