xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
