You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
