no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
