a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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