I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
