I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You pole danced in your parka.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
