Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
