Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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