I feel like abortions should bother me more
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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