wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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