Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
