he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
