I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
