Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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