Got a toothbrush?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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