how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
