dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
