I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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