its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
