Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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