I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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