Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
