Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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