Four minutes until I can fart!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
