Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
