If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
