are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
