The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
